Weddings. They're beautiful, they're fun, but where did those crazy traditions come from?
1. THE EGYPTIANS WERE PROBABLY THE FIRST TO EXCHANGE
WEDDING RINGS. By medieval times, it was believed that a vein ran from
the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart, so this became the
trendy place to show off your rock.
2. BUT ENGAGEMENT RINGS DIDN’T TAKE OFF UNTIL THE
MIDDLE AGES. In 1215, Pope Innocent III declared that there should be a
longer waiting period between betrothal and marriage, spiking the ring’s
3. AND DIAMONDS CAME EVEN LATER. Though the first
recorded exchange of a diamond engagement ring was in 1477, when
Archduke Maximilian of Austria proposed to Mary of Burgundy, they
weren’t the standard until 1947, when Frances Gerety, who never herself
married, coined “A Diamond Is Forever” for De Beers.
4. WHITE WEDDING DRESSES WEREN’T DE RIGUEUR until Queen Victoria wore one to marry Albert of Saxe-Coburg in 1840.
5. IN ANCIENT TIMES, BRIDES CARRIED BUNCHES OF
AROMATIC HERBS, like garlic, dill, and rosemary, to ward off evil
spirits; this tradition continued into the 1800s. (Guests, it’s said,
might also nibble on the herbs for fresh breath.) Queen Victoria, who
carried a bouquet of snowdrops, also gets credit for starting the modern
6. THROWING THE BOUQUET WASN’T ALWAYS ABOUT CALLING
OUT SINGLE LADIES—it started because guests used to tear off pieces of
the bride’s dress in an attempt to take some of her luck home. The
tossed flowers were intended to distract the crowd so she could get away
7. EARLY BRIDESMAIDS WERE DRESSED EXACTLY LIKE THE
BRIDE TO CONFUSE EVIL SPIRITS, who might otherwise target the happy
couple. It wasn’t until the trend-setting Victorian era that bridesmaids
began wearing white dresses with short veils, setting them a bit apart
from the bride.
8. THE HONEYMOON COMES FROM A NORSE TRADITION,
wherein newlyweds would go into hiding for a month, drinking a cup of
honey wine every day.
9. THE BRIDE STANDS TO THE GROOM’S LEFT AT THE ALTAR
because in the old days of “marriage by capture” the groom needed his
right hand free to fight off other suitors.
10. THE PHRASE “TYING THE KNOT” comes from an old
Irish custom called handfasting, which involved tying the bride and
groom’s hands together at the ceremony to symbolize their commitment.
11. DURING THE ROMAN EMPIRE, WEDDING CAKES WERE
ACTUALLY BREAD, and they were broken over the head of the bride by the
groom to symbolize fertility. Today’s tradition of smearing cake on each
other’s faces is a little sweeter.
It's that glorious time of year once again. Spring has sprung,
we're turning on our air conditioners, and an entire aisle of the
grocery store is devoted to sugar-coated, pastel-colored Easter things.
If you're a parent, you'll likely be heading to said aisle sometime soon
to stock up on candy to place in your children's baskets. If you're me,
you'll be heading there the day after Easter to get everything at half
Either way, you need some guidance.
Too often as a child (and even now) I found my stock of Easter
goodies marred by a few rotten eggs, so to speak. A few items that never
should have made it past beta testing in the candy factory. A few too
many marshmallow-esque creations.
So regardless of whom you're buying Easter candy for this year,
please consider the multitude of options out there. And don't buy any of
10. Cadbury Creme Egg
Did you miss YES-FM Entertainment News at 6:45? Watch it on our YouTube Channel! Click above to listen!
going out on a limb here and proclaiming that Cadbury Creme Eggs are
some of the worst candies out there, though I know many would argue the
opposite. Allow me to explain. First, each egg contains 150 calories.
That's like a serving of ice cream or several big handfuls of popcorn.
Second, they look gross. Bite through the chocolate shell and you're
treated to a "creme" filling intended to resemble a raw egg white and
yolk. 'Cause when I think delicious, I think raw eggs. Unfortunately,
the white part resembles certain bodily fluids much more than it does
actual egg white. And it's cloyingly, almost unbearably sweet. I
challenge you to eat an entire Cadbury egg in less than a minute without
going into diabetic shock.
9. Jordan Almonds
Hey kids, who wants to break a
tooth? Because that's a distinct possibility when you bite into an
accursed Jordan almond, a tasty-sounding treat that's simply an almond
coated in sugar. Too bad the sugar coating tastes more like chalk than
anything found in a kitchen, and the almonds contained within are
generally flavorless. The reason they're considered an Easter candy even
though they can be purchased year-round is that they're pastel-colored.
And that's about it. I guess they're sort of egg-shaped, too, but in
reality, Jordan almonds have about as much to do with Easter as a
pebble. (The pebble might taste better, though.)
8. Fluffy Stuff Cotton Tails
Part of the joy of
eating cotton candy comes from watching the person making it at a fair
or carnival sweep a hand around the giant metal bowl, picking up wisps
of sugar along the way. It's fresh, and when you put a fluffy handful
into your mouth, it immediately melts upon meeting your tongue--a fun
sensation no matter your age. Fluffy Stuff Cotton Tails are not
similarly satisfying. They aren't even really fluffy. They're hard,
compact balls of sugar in unpleasant faded shades of blue and pink. You
might as well dig into an old bag of sugar, find a few clumps and eat
that instead. It tastes the same, and it's cheaper.
7. Bunny Munny
This treat is particularly
offensive to me because it masquerades as something delicious. Chocolate
with a bit of crispy rice in it? What could possibly be bad about that?
How about the fact that they unfortunately taste more like cardboard
with a slight chocolate flavor than actual chocolate? They purport to be
made with real chocolate, but if that's true, why do they taste so
unfortunate? And can we talk about how offensive that spelling of
"munny" is to anyone older than 10? Don't purposefully misspell candy
names to be cute! No one thinks it's cute! Sidenote: On the Candy Warehouse website, there is actually a disclaimer, "Sorry, these treats are not a valid form of U.S. currency." In case you were confused.
6. Bunny Basket Eggs/Easter Hunt Eggs
perhaps the worst offender on this list, bringing us three of the ten
worst candies, direct from their testing and manufacturing plant in some
faraway land where no one has taste buds. Bunny Basket Eggs are the
least offensive of the three, featuring, essentially, fake gummy
marshmallows surrounded by a coating of bad jelly bean. They stick in
your teeth. They melt in your plastic eggs. They get awkward jelly bean
coating color on your fingers. And what do you get for your trouble?
Nastiness. Pretty much just a hunk of sugar that tastes like artificial
fruit and giving up.
People either love Peeps or hate them. I
personally like to heat them up in the microwave and watch them balloon
to enormous sizes and then deflate. I like to stick toothpicks in them
while they're in the microwave and allow them to joust. I like to use
them as cat toys. I do not like to eat them. Like the Bunny Basket Eggs,
Peeps purport to be marshmallows, but are, in fact, some
marshmallow/sugar hybrid that ends up tasting like both and neither
simultaneously. They are messy (colored granulated sugar EVERYWHERE),
nearly flavorless and manufactured by a company creepily named "Just
Born." Perhaps the best use of Peeps is in the dioramas that crazy people with far too much time on their hands make every year.
4. Generic Jelly Beans
I can get behind a few
specific flavors of Jelly Belly jelly beans. I quite like the Starburst
jelly beans. I absolutely cannot handle generic jelly beans. They're
waxy and often florescent in color, and they taste like little more than
sugar and horrendously bastardized fruit. At least Jelly Bellys and
Starburst attempt to inject flavor into the tiny kidney bean-shaped
candy. Not so other brands (I'm looking at you, Brach's). They're
content to color their products without adding any legitimate flavor.
Unless the flavor they're going for is wax. In that case, well done.
3. Easter Candy Corn
IT'S NOT EVEN GOOD AT HALLOWEEN. WHY MAKE IT FOR ANOTHER HOLIDAY?! WHY?! Shockingly, it looks even more gross in pastel shades.
2. Chocolate Crosses
Oh hey, I have a great idea.
Let's remind people of the reason for the season, so to speak, by
replacing chocolate bunnies with chocolate crosses. I mean, I realize
the whole notion of Easter candy seems frivolous, but I think
mass-producing crosses for the kiddos to put in their Easter baskets
would really add some gravitas to the affair. The only question is,
where do you start eating a chocolate cross? With the bunnies you start
with the ears. With the cross do you start with where the head should
be? Do you break off the section for the left arm? That reminds me: Many
people, including Jesus, were murdered on these things. Are we sure
they're appropriate fodder for foodstuffs? Oh, who am I kidding, of
course they are! And then, once a child eats an entire chocolate cross
in once sitting and proceeds to get violently ill from too much sugar,
he or she will truly understand the Lord's suffering.
1. Brach's Chicks & Rabbits
These are the
items I as a child most dreaded finding in Easter baskets or stuffed
unceremoniously into plastic eggs at parties. What would I do if someone
presented me with a bright-orange hunk of eraser disguised as candy?
Would I feign delight and eat it anyway, then risk melodramatically
gagging and spitting it out at the feet of my gracious host? Would I
tuck it away to later slip to a poor, unwitting canine? Would I throw it
nonchalantly into someone else's basket. I honestly don't remember what
I did with the damn things, but I guarantee you I didn't eat them. Fool
me once...and all that jazz. The flavor is listed as "marshmallow,"
which, if you believe the multitude of flavored-vodka products out there
is, in fact, a genuine flavor. But these don't taste anything like
marshmallows. They're essentially the same material as those off-putting
orange Circus Peanuts candies--soft so long as they've never touched
oxygen, but instantly hardening into toothbreaking plaster once exposed
to the elements. Worse still, the candies only vaguely resemble the
eponymous chicks and rabbits. They're much more akin to totem poles or
idols used for some bizarre, decidedly not Easter-y ritual. Consume at
your own risk.
Who locally is having a Birthday? Find out by clicking above in case you missed it!
If you missed YES-FM Stupid News at 7:45...Watch it on our YouTube channel! Click to listen to the stupidity!
Check Facebook to see the question and answer as soon as it's given!