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Ho ho ho...Some of the worst Christmas jokes around

You can try to resist but this terrible Christmas jokes will make you laugh...ho ho ho.

“Tis the season to be jolly” and with that, as the tradition goes, are some very very bad jokes.

Whether it’s that annoying uncle who thinks he is hilarious or those infamous jokes that come in the Christmas crackers, you’re sure to hear some “clangers” this season.

Here’s our pick of some of the cringe-worthy and wince-inducing jokes that will have you chuckling to yourself this Christmas season.

1. Got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas.

Not her main present, it's just a stocking filler.

2. Q: What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A: A Christmas Quacker!

3. Q: What's the most popular Christmas wine?
A: 'I don't like Brussels sprouts!'

4. Q: What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations?
A: Tinsilitis!

5. Q: Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
A: He's a fungi to be with.

6. Q: What is Santa's favorite pizza?
A: One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

7. Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause!

8. Q: Why does Santa like to work in the garden?
A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

9. Patient: Doctor, Doctor I'm scared of Santa
Doctor: You're suffering from Claus-trophobia.

10. Q: Why was Santa Claus’ helper so down?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem.

 
 
 

Recently, we made a list of the Top 5 Classic Christmas movies everyone should watch at least once in their lifetime. All but one of the holiday classics on that list was filmed in the first half of the 20th century.

This list of the Top 10 best Christmas movies of the last 25 years is a bit more contemporary. It covers holiday movies many people grew up with and possibly some you've never heard of before. Read on to see which movies made the cut.

1. "Scrooged" - 1988

Just a tad over the wire, this comedic take on "A Christmas Carol" is wickedly funny. When Bill Murray's character orders an assistant to staple tiny antlers to a mouse in order to keep them on its head, it's impossible not to laugh.

2. "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" - 1989

Clark Griswold is back at it in this holiday sequel to the original "Vacation" movie. This time, the perfect family Christmas is on his agenda -- and beyond his reach.

3. "The Nightmare Before Christmas" - 1993

Tim Burton's slightly dark and completely quirky take on the holiday is utterly charming.

4. "The Santa Clause" - 1994

Probably the best of "The Santa Clause" franchise starring Tim Allen.

5. "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" - 2000

This Dr. Seuss classic from 1966 was adapted for the big screen and stars Jim Carrey. Max is as precious and beleaguered in this version as the animated original. Watch them both.

6. "Bad Santa" - 2003

Adult comedy starring Billy Bob Thornton as a con man posing as a mall Santa with his partner in crime (who dresses like an elf). If you've never seen it and you like your holiday movies dark and crude, look no further.

7. "The Polar Express" - 2004

Tom Hanks is the voice of Santa Clause in this beautifully depicted CGI film that has made our list of Top 10 best Christmas movies.

8. "Four Christmases" - 2008

After a holiday vacation falls apart, Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon struggle through four dysfunctional family get-togethers on Christmas day. Way funnier than you'd think, especially when they get to Brad's (Vaughn) dad's house.

9. "A Christmas Carol" - 2009

This CGI version of the Dickens classic is voiced by Jim Carrey as Ebenezer Scrooge and Gary Oldman as Tiny Tim, and it's definitely worth seeing.

10. "Rise of the Guardians" - 2012

Not entirely about Christmas, but it's a wonderful family movie that touches on the theme and explores the origins of Jack Frost. If you've never seen it, you're missing a great flick.

What list of Top 10 best Christmas movies would be worth its peppermint stick without a bonus pick for your stocking? Ours is "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" from 1964. Yes, this is way outside of our timeline, but we couldn't resist. Starring a very young Pia Zadora as Girmar, this fantasy/indie film is so bad it's almost good. Who knows? It could become your next new holiday classic.


 

 

 
 
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